Single Handedly Slowing Down the Axial Rotation of the Earth….

….or “What to Expect When It’s My House Being Built”.

Unbeknownst to me how I’ve done it, I have seemingly garnered the ability to slow time to a standstill.

I became acutely aware of this relatively useless super power today while standing in line at Starbucks.  I stood there not paying attention, in a line that consisted of approximately one person, give or take none; namely it was just me in line.  Patiently I waited while the barista’s bantered on about some trivial nonsense to each other, rubbing their implements (not a euphemism, they were literally rubbing some sort of metallic objects used in making coffee).  A couple of ladies soon followed me in line. Not thinking I jumped out of line, for what I thought was five seconds, to ask a colleague or two if they’d like coffee, (“I’m buying”), but alas they had already gotten coffee elsewhere.  This was fortunate for them, for I unwittingly was practicing my new craft as I jumped back in line.  The two previously mentioned ladies in line were nice enough to save me a spot directly behind them.  Cool. Thanks ladies. I know, I was gone a long time…..I didn’t write.

That’s okay, things were picking up with our baristas, they had resumed servicing live people as opposed to coffee-making implements.  Alas if I’d stayed in line I’d be getting serviced myself at this time.  Then after standing there for another three minutes, no one was moving.  I mean they were moving of course, this isn’t some hollywood concoction where everything literally stops, but everything was moving without much purpose or result.  I have no idea but one barista was stabbing away at a smart phone.  The other had taken up shop fiddling with an empty coffee cup.  Even the patrons just stood there.  I shit you not, I literally stood there a total of about ten minutes start to finish, with only myself in line for the most part, and I saw no reasonable or logical hope that I would be able to utter a word to another human being, let alone order a Grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte, or whatever the hell it is I order (I always have to look at the damn menu). 

Literally I had inadvertently stopped the Earth from spinning on its axis, (or else I had rendered myself invisible.  I’m pretty sure people could see me….I did look at my shoes just to make sure I wasn’t invisible.)

I never did get that Latte today.  As soon as I left Starbucks the world returned to its normal pace.

Slowing time is essentially what has happened on the house project.  Each day I say “I am done stopping by the house after work” and each day I roll down I-77 in the Rabbit with less and less hope or faith in my heart, and begrudgingly turn up the gravel drive to the house.  And each day it appears that the Earth has stopped on its axis for a majority of the day. 

We’re getting about 1-2 things done a day during a week that was supposed to be the last of the project.  Today they painted one room and grouted 1.5 showers.  We have managed to turn an eight month project into something that feels more along the lines of a thirty-seven year project.  At one time this week we had eleven trucks in the driveway, but beyond that everything has come to a screeching halt.

The Silestone countertops are on back order until next week.  Then it’ll be a week to fabricate them. I’d be surprised if the painters are done before we get into the four letter months.  The fireplace has no stone (was supposed to be today).  Of course I guarantee the masons will show up tomorrow because the fireplace shop guys are supposed to be out to fire up the unit and mount the thermostat.  Then I’ll get a message telling me masons couldn’t do their job cause fireplace guys were in the way.  Next week is carpet, but if you saw the place you know there’s no way they can put carpet in yet.

The wife and I went out to the house Wednesday looking for something to do, even dropped the boys off so we could really work.  I think we swept up a little dirt and then went shopping at Target for cat litter.  Not much we can do out there at the house.

We just need it done.  The novelty wore off a long time ago. We’re slated to blow right past our due date with the bank which means we’ll have to start that process all over again. Which actually isn’t a bad thing; rates have gone down a lot in the last eight months. 

Of greater concern is selling our existing house.  To say the market is weak and prospects of doing so are dismal, is to put it nicely.  I keep saying put ’em both up for sale and see which sells first.  That’s met with a cool reception.  I don’t really mean it….. (okay, actually I do).

I mean, what can I do if some one made me an offer I couldn’t refuse, right? 

(wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)

We’d be fine, I have latent super powers after all, and we can take our little guy’s ceiling fan with us.  It’s still sitting in a box waiting to be installed.

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