Christine successfully used the microwave for the first time (in this house I mean…..not implying she doesn’t know how to use a microwave), and even cooked grilled cheese with butter, in a pan, on the range (which, once again, I mean is an an accomplishment in so much as we couldn’t find our pans, and had no bread or butter just twenty-four hours ago). Woo hoo, f*cking “A” we’re making progress here folks.So I’ve been getting a lot of questions from fans of the blog (not really, except the ones I make up on a regular basis when I whisper to myself in the dark). Let me try to answer as many as I can tonight.
Q: Chris, when are you gonna stop bitching all the time and start showing us some f*cking pictures of the house with all your crap inside so we can case the joint?
A: Ok, ok, I’ve been busy. I work like (one to) eight hours each freaking work day, (sometimes up to five days in a row), then I stop at the bar until my kid calls me to tell me mom must be “done” emptying boxes cause she’s having alone time with her “grape juice” on the couch. Alright, I’m joking….my kid doesn’t know how to use a phone yet. Anyway, see pics below with my witty banter like captions. I’m really self infatuated and it shows sometimes. Come be infatuated with me as well.
Q: Chris, what’s the best thing about the new place?
A: Well, that’s hard to say there are so many cool things and the potential is so great. Today my favorite thing was visiting the sewing room. When we built the house, somehow the wife, kids and cat were allotted unfettered access or control to about 7-10 rooms (i.e. the entire house). I was given access to one, maybe two rooms (and one of those I poop in). So anyway, the best part is visiting, albeit briefly, all the rooms I’m not really appreciated or allowed to go into. I checked out the sewing room which contained MY lounge chair. Oh it was joyful to sit in my IKEA chair and admire the kick ass ceiling lights I picked out. The wife has a really cool Sony clock radio too. I asked if I could turn the sewing room into my man cave and have the clock. She said I could have the basement and I should look at my watch more often. The basement smells funny, has dirt all over and is illuminated by just a pull string light bulb. Unbelievable.
Q: Chris, sorry to hear that your family hates you / abuses you and you’re pretty much relegated to living life like you’re in a Turkish prison. But you’ll always have your studio, how’s that?
A: Thanks for the words of sympathy, I think it’s criminal how I’m treated. Taking the high road though and can say that my studio is awesome for the most part. I’ve got about half of it cleared out so there’s lots of space. Maybe even room for my lounge chair. There’s lots of light and big doors and all my crap is there. Being on the ground floor makes loading the trailer a breeze. Problem is everyone else thinks it’s their room too. Lacking a real driveway, the boys ride their bike in there. And the damn cat, well since she owns every room in the joint, she decided to that the studio was perfect for her litter box. So she comes to visit me, I pet her, she purrs, then poops. That’s about as good as it gets for me these days.
Q: Chris, speaking of the cat, how is she adjusting?
A: She was skittish at first so we were worried, but as I write this she’s at the bottom of the bed licking the part of her butt just under the tail parts. I’m assuming this means she’s adjusting better than I am. I have yet to lick myself there whilst living in this house.
Q: Chris, how’d the guys handle the move? We were worried it’d take a lot out of them.
A: First of all, what the hell is with all the questions about the cat, movers and other people? Um hello, I’m sitting right here. Anyway (I’ll take the high road here), the guys are perfectly fine. They really are the best and they made moving day look easy.
Ok, I’m getting sleepy so that’s enough Q&A for today folks. We’ll catch up on more exciting stuff over the weekend. -chris