I Was Mistaken….

…the exterior color is Sherwin Williams Urbane Bronze SW7048  not Sealskin as previously reported.  Sorry.  Sealskin was from our Global Spice color scheme but we felt it was too dark and we chickened out by going with the Urbane Bronze.  Either way it looks great.  Even if the painter shakes his head and doesn’t understand our color scheme for the exterior.

It rained a little bit tonight, though not really enough to make a difference I suspect.

I’m busy working on cabinet layouts for a couple of storage areas.  I’m thinking if we can buy the materials, Christine and I can install them without much difficulty.  We lack money and resources to have someone else install and having the storage would do wonders for my sanity and avoid future drinking problems.

Hiccup with selling the old place as the buyer’s inspector found a laundry list of things to fix including radon levels 4x the recommended limit.  So we’ll all be dying of lung cancer after living in our toxic environment for up to nine years apiece.  Yay!  I inadvertently killed my family, awesome accomplishment – me!

I am just not allowed to enjoy one god damn thing about life or this project because for every step I take forward I get one or two set backs.  At this point I don’t even care.  I stepped outside on the unfinished porch like fifteen individual times tonight just to be out there listening to the birds and an approaching thunderstorm.  At one point a rabbit sat dead still about twenty-five feet from me, each of us contentedly looking at each other.  I stood out there just to be out there. Yesterday I saw a cool tan snake as I watered one of my over achieving hazelnut saplings.  Each day it’s something different. There are so many life altering moments and opportunities out here it’s truly magical.  I can feel it.  This place has healing properties if I just let it do what it’s supposed to do.  So while I’m now apparently doomed to die of lung cancer, through no fault of the new place, there’s an outside chance my spirit will be nourished and healed.

I’m sure there are vistas of man and god that are grander in every way than what one may observe from my back porch.  Though I’d argue that one hath not to gaze beyond a blade of grass to bask in true wonder and spectacle, beyond that which any man can create.  And I have thousands of blade, branch and fern at my tactile disposal. But the energy of this “place” is derived from something far greater than the sum of these parts.  And it is derived from more than that which bathes our eye in green, stimulates our touch, supports our step or delights our ears.  Circumstance and timing are part of the orchestra as well.

Everything apparently may happen for a reason. Pace and urgency are in the orchestra pit as well. To fully experience an experience fully I truly believe the stage requires completeness and relatively undivided attention. Life is fairly predictable, or at least I think so.  Everything is probably formulated from about a half-dozen essential core cause and effects, propped up by the reality that is the world around us, and then seasoned with the details we perceive to be important.  The point is there are a lot of moving parts, but maybe not a lot of outcomes.  The trick may be in the details as to what the outcome is; whether a place provides us with what we really need or doesn’t.  Like a small tree in new soil.  In the end the tree makes it or not…two simple outcomes. 

This place, whatever it will be, for however long it will be, will be one of wonder, nurturing growing and healing I’ll bet.  We’ll see. For now though it needs to be a place to get some rest.


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